The Mistress

She was his latest .He waxed eloquent when she was the topic .Her body ,her complexion ,her attitude …her looks …..Nothing was good enough for her .she had to have the best .Her her clothes ,her music system were the best that money could buy .He never tired of extolling her virtues and was always very sensitive to her moods .Her sound was pure music to him .Every whisper, every murmur had him running round in circles ..He never rested till she was happy .She was to look perfect when he took her out .and proud to show her off

His sensitivity where she was concerned knew no bounds and she knew well to play on his feelings .She had this sixth sense to play up on the days any outing was planned . .It would start with a hiccup followed by a cough ,then a wheeze and then the refusal to go anywhere. He would then peer into her insides ,a wipe there ,a pat here and she would be fine .He pored over journals and books to see what was good for her ,what will keep her purring and what will irritate her .And moody …by God she was …!

Every weekend you’d find him under her (no pun intended ).He would clean out her innards and wash her undersides till she groaned. He would spent hours brushin and polishing her body till she shone Any one who dared touch her had him to content with .All this attention as a wife that had to come to me was bestowed on her and the green eyed monster in me was straining at the leash to have a go at her .

But little does she know how fickle he is .She does not know that she is not the first one .She is his fifth .A new babe in the market …that’s all it takes for him to leave her .

Of late she’s been too cranky .Its her heart ..i believe its not working good as usual …the tubes, the valves or something ..there’s a murmur ….I’ve heard him discussing this with her specialist

Just days back I ve seen him poring over the pics of a new baby called Manza ….Dear Indica… I think your days are numbered …….

Overheard .........

• In a car …

"The person whose car you are trying to overtake is not reacting …."

• At a house …

"Feel free to use our toilet …its dirty any way ."

"He wants a customized ear piece as he is selective in hearing ."

• in a class for 8 year old s

"We use our reproductory organs to breath ."

• In a driving school for cars …..

"We put out our left hand when we want to turn left."

"If I have an accident …i'll faint"
"Madam ,What if you caused it ?"
"All the same ,i'll faint."


"Madam ,I hope you are aware that each speed has a different gear"

• Man to his wife to be ……

"I am a regular at the bar ."(!!!!)

• At a mall ….

Young woman to young man (maybe her husband )
"How dare you knock my father down ……"

• At the hospital …..

"Don’t worry ,Its only a safety pin that he has swallowed and it was not open ."

• One four year old to the other …..

"Yesterday at the circus, the elephant stamped my toe …see i've put a handy plast on it"

• At a wedding …..

"Come again ….She s your aunt’s husband’s niece who is married to your brother’s wife’s ……".

• Seven year old to her mother ..

"Capital of Maharashtra ? I wrote Delhi but Sithara wrote Kapil Dev ."

"I ate all the chocolates because you didn’t tell me not to ."

• Man to five year old…..

"Son what is d. o.g"
"Dog"
"Ok so now you ask me something .....anything ."
"Okay …what is s.p.q"

• At the dentist …..

"Madam they are not cavities ,they are manholes. "

• Six year old first born ……

"Why didn’t you ask God for a better baby who’s not so naughty ?"

• A man to his car

"Now…what’s your problem today!!"

• Nineteen nothing to friend

"Oh I am so much in love with him"
Eeeek ..he’s a freak !!!
"That’s the best part"

• Son to mother

“Are you happy going over the pictures in the obituary page everyday ?Don’t you want to see yours on it someday ”

Shades of gay

“The little boys were gay and happy as they tripped along gaily in their gaily coloured hats .some of them stopped by to pick up the nosegays growing by the side of the road. "


No sniggers, no smiles, no whispers …when I read the passage aloud to the class of VII.
That was then …around ten years back
Here is the …Now …
“Oh he looks so gay” says me seated at a popular eatery at a popular high end mall.
What?! Who? Where? Asks my partner and friend of long doing a pendulum .Using my eyes and hands I do a Kathakali and she spots him “No way, he isn’t”
“I say he is.”
“How would you know?”
“Well from the look he has on his face look at him smiling”
“All smiling men aren’t gay”
“Anyways id say he is...He’s got that something look.”
“You can’t tell if someone is gay going by his expression”
“Why not?”
“Well there are certain other things you have to look for …”
“Like?”
“Well …not from here”, whispers my friend conspiratorially indicating the crowd at the next table
“Oh Okay …” This was getting mysterious by the minute
Our eyes are trained on the subject under discussion .We watch him covertly being the polite citizens who considers staring to be rude.
Suddenly our man jumps up and waves to someone
Our heads attached to our not so young and flexible bodies do a 360 degree.
At the door way stood an attractive thing looking about her .She spies him and breaks into a hop and run .We swivel back on to him She has reached .He stands up to hug her and pulls out a chair for her .
We turn back and look at each other
“See he is not Gay …he’s got a girlfriend”
“But he is ….he is gay because he has a girlfriend.”
We argued on and at the end agreed to disagree on the topic .We left,each of us feeling both happy and gay at having won the argument.
Alls well with this happy and gay world.