The iD of an Eligible Bachelor

ID 123

“ Hello”
“ Yes ..hello”
“ Sir I am calling regarding the profile of your son I came across in You n Me Matrimony ……”
“Oh yes ..its my elder sons…. Id 123”
“Sir we are interested. Its for my daughter .She is 24”
“Okay… and what is she doing ?”
“She is a graduate”.
“Only a graduate…..why ?”
“Well her ambition is to be a good housewife and mother and so….”
“Oh okay. but we are looking for a professional at least an MBA you see my son is a software engineer ….so we want the girl too to be a professional.”
“Oh alright. .Just thought you were looking for a wife for your son and not a business partner .My mistake ….sorry…. and good day”.

ID 456
“Hello ….is this 934325….”
“Yes ,it is ..how may I help you ?’
“Madam, this is regarding your son’s profile in U n Me matrimony”
“Oh okay ….is your daughter’s profile in it too?”
“Yes her id is 001.”
“Is her photo too attached?’
“Yes maam the picture s are there.”
“Hmmm …let me just check …pls hold on.”
“Sure.” (pregnant silence ….only sound of my heartbeat is heard )
After 20 minutes
“Hello !I got it but ,,,she is not so fair”
“No… she is wheatish.”
“That’s the problem …we are looking for a fair girl.” .
“But maam your son too is not fair ..h es quite dark …….”
“That’s the problem ….we don’t want his children to be dark so if the girl is fair.. their children will not be so dark .”
(phone disconnected……by me ….tongue tied at her practical logic)

ID 789
“Hello sir, I am calling regarding your sons profile”
“Yes ….horoscope match is a must and most important.”
“Exactly …so we have gone ahead and matched it with my daughter’s .Its compatible and other things also seem good.”
“Have you checked it well ?”
“Yes of course ..there is a good’ papa samya.” ‘
“Thats not enough. Where is the Saturn standing ..is it in Jupiter’s house or mercury’s?”
“Ummm.. I am not sure about that ..can I check and let you know? .Any thing else I need to check?”
“Yes ..check the position of Mars and sun . They should not be in their own house but should be looking at each other .The Venus should be in the seventh house and the sun in the ninth house .Please also check the position of the stars after ten years as in my sons horoscope there is a problematic period after 10 years and another at the age 58……”
“Okay sir,will get back to you .” I cut the call ….. head reeling under the strain of the information received and wondering when would all the stars be in place for his son to get married

ID 890

“Sir ,I am calling in connection to a proposal for your son .As per our conversation yesterday I had forwarded my daughters bio data and horoscope.”
“Yes yes …I remember …Id 001 right?”
“That’s right .We have found the horoscope to be matching and we are happy with the other details .So may I know your thoughts on it ?”
“Yes ..we too feel it’s a good match…but just want to know if tour daughter is proficient in singing or dance ..You see my son is a lover of music and dance and wants a wife who can dance and sing.”
(A vision of m daughter of in a bharatnatyam costume greeting her husband at the door in the evening flashed in my mind )
“Sorry sir. .all my daughter can do is hum a few lines . I believe you want a performing artist for your son and not a wife .so…… goodbye and all the best.”

Mrs Singh

Neighbours are interesting .A source of entertainment sometimes .There was a Mrs Singh in Goa .whose only medium of communication was a mixture of English and Hindi in a truly desi form .Every day in the morning her conversation with my mom would comprise of the agenda for the day .
She would enumerate the dishes she made for breakfast ,followed by what she planned for lunch and about getting her two turban clad little terrors ready for school
It often went like this …
“Sat sri akal Ji !”
“Good morning !Had breakfast ?”
“Haan Ji ..made chappathies and bhaji . Get up at 5 ,Then get up .two children and husband .Then give bath and do kangi everyone .Then ready for school bus .Now make aloo gobi and parathas for noon .For chai today make tikkas .and you Behenji ..all work done ?”
Then it would be my mums turn .
Mum could understand most of Mrs Singh’s talk except for the daily dose of ‘doing Kangi’perplexed her .She took it for trips to toilet (part of mornings cleaning ritual) and often wondered why Mrs Singh should unfailingly mention it everyday
.It was a Sunday and all Mrs Singh mentioned was ‘Kangi Kiya’ .Mother dutifully asked after the health of both the kids, whether it was because of something they had eaten . Mrs Singh looked confused .Just then one of the terrors came running out with a comb in his hand demanding “Maa kangi karo”It was no wonder that’ doing Kangi’ was an important part of her daily routine coz both the boys had thick knee length hair …….and the ‘do kangi’ was cleared.

Unvoiced plea

Dear man …all you have to do is to love me a little and care for me . .I don’t need flowers nor do I need candies . a little of your time . Believe me I too have my fears ,my guilts ,my pains and my faults Do let me share them with you .Lend me your ears when I want to discuss my thoughts with you ..it may be a story I heard or some trivia ,lend me your shoulder to weep when I am feeling blue .Hold me close when I am scared and rub my back when I sob silently in pain .
Just think ….When was the last time you thanked me for the clean house you live in ,for the clean sheets on your bed ,for the bottles of cold water in the fridge ,for the washed and ironed shirts ,and trousers your wear ,for the clean plates and dishes you have from ,and the every day food I cook for you ,the snacks I get ready (when your friends suddenly drop in) , for the bacteria free toilets ….????
Why don’t you show some appreciation for the well behaved children you have ,for the well kept house ,for living within the budget ,for managing the crises, for being a good friend and companion ,for being a good daughter in law to your parents
It hurts me when you take your tension on me .I am as alive and human as you are , so don’t shout at me …aren’t I polite to you even when I am angry (cold but polite ) ? then why cant you be so to me .Don’t I watch cricket on TV to keep you company so why cant you watch at least one of my favourite soap with me .Please don’t turn your back and pretend to snore when I groan with a headache.

Have you ever guessed how light I would feel if you laughed at my foibles and made light of my mistakes …(remember all that guffaws ….its my way of laughing at yours ….my jaws still aches ) When you are tense and stressed out , I use sweet and soft phrases to address you , to calm you down . I have sensitized myself to every mood of yours but have you done the same for me ? I know each and everyone of your likes and dislikes ,how many of mine do you know… Imagine that …. after living with me all these years ? .

I would swoon with happiness if you Showed me some sympathy when I burn my hand while cooking ,when I cut my finger ,when I scald my hand accidently …don’t I do that when you nick your chin while shaving .( almost every day ) Do you know that a word of apology from you will chase my anger away. and bring out the sunshine .


Please humour me when I am feeling blue and out of sorts .Even a small drive down the road or an ice cream cone will chase them away

I have left my parents, friends and all things familiar to live with you .So be my friend ,my companion ,my family .Play scrabble with me once in a while …I do play chess with you even when I hate it
I too am a human ,educated and sensible .and tied to you till death do us part .Have spent more time with you than with my parents so love me ,love my faults .
A smile when I get you your tea in the morning ..a hug at the end of the day …a please and a sorry when it merits is all I need to keep me healthy and happy all my life .

Mirage

We went in to see the beauties lined up .The executive assigned to us to update us on their different qualities was a pleasant young man of about 28 .Well dressed but with a smile that quite didn’t reach his eyes ,He had brooding eyes which gave him a rakish look .My lord and master moved away to check on something .The young man came closer ..a little too close for my comfort … “Madam have you made your choice /”
Umm ..not yet ,’’ but I think we’l l go for the grey one ,”
“That’s a good colour .”
“Yes its rather uncommon .”
“Would you like to have something to drink ?”
“Huh ..No thank you ,later perhaps .” I smiled masking my discomfort (did he have to stand so close and stare at my face ?Has my lipstick streaked or is it my hair ?)
Trying not to be obvious I ran my hand over my hair and craned my neck in the direction towards which my husband had disappeared .
(why doesn’t he take the hint ,I asked myself )
I surreptitiously looked down and checked if everything was in its proper place (You know what I mean ? I do have the habit of wearing mis-matched sandals in my hurry to get out ) but every thing was fine .But there he was before me as I had left him ..same eager look .
I moved away a little and put some more space between us and pretended to be keenly interested in the white shining beauty before me .He moved closer and asked ,"Madam what’s your good name ?"
"Mrs. M ," I answered coldly …I felt him move back and turn away .Hearing my husbands voice we turned and the young man indicated that we should follow him .We followed him to his cabin .Seating ourselves he introduced himself .My husband began bombarding him with questions on the beauty we wanted to own .His answers were not exactly related to the questions .He enumerated the qualities in by hearted fashion and each time the question was repeated he would start from the beginning all the time his eyes on my face …tired of this I turned to some pamphlets on the table and began reading them with an interest I didn’t feel .I could feel his eyes on me ….
Something about what he was talking made me look up .His face was a picture of grief .He was saying, “I never take the bike sir , its just that day ,It was our second wedding anniversary on Tuesday and so we first went to the church and then we had some purchases to do .So we were going towards the mall and had stopped at the signal as it was red .The lorry came from behind and hit us directly and she died on the spot .”

My eyes on him and the silence from my husband told it all ,Death is a great silencer .
“Have you got over it ?” I blurted out wishing instantly that I could take it back
Yes its been six months now ,it was in the papers ,for past six months I stayed at home ,without meeting any one .I joined today ..
Tell us about it …if you want to talk about it .,”began my husband ,
“sometimes it helps ,did she suffer or was it sudden ?”
And he talked and talked ..we listened ,interspersing with a few questions to keep him on it .
After an hour he smiled …his eyes had a live look .He thanked us for just listening to him .We had nothing to say coz no comforting words would lessen his loss bit we shared his grief with him and left our contact numbers walked out of the room leaving him staring at the picture of his wife he had dug out of his wallet ……

Chemeen varatti a la' mohandas

Here’s another one straight from Mohandas’ s kitchen and it’s a family favourite . Prawn stir fry in other words-- chemmeen varati The only thing that keep us from having it on a daily basis is the cost of prawns Believe me it’s a luxury and we usually nibble at the pieces to make it last long . So happy nibbling to all those who are going to try it.

½ kilo Prawns medium to large in size

1 tbspn turmeric powder

1 tbspn kasmiri chillie powder (by Everest preferably)

15 pods of garlic (skinned and crushed)

1½ inch long ginger (peeled, sliced and crushed)

Salt 1 tbspn (minimum) add more to suit your taste

Tamarind – the size of a small lime

Mix all the above and keep it aside

For 5 to 8 minutes

Grate ½ a coconut and keep aside

Curry leaves 15 to 20

Add the curry leaves to the above mixture and mix well

Add I tbspn coconut oil to the above mixture

Add ½ glass water and mix well .place it on the stove on medium flame and cook till the water reduces to a paste

Now reduce the flame and add one more tbspn of oil and the grated coconut and stir well till the mixture is dry

Remove from flame and add 1 more tbspn of coconut oil to it and keep it closed for 10 minutes. Stir once more .Keep it closed and open only to serve.

You may serve it in an ethnic mud chatti (earthen pot ….the Kerala type ...) for a dramatic effect …..or in a porcelain dish with a few coriander leaves placed strategically for a picturesque effect These may help in distracting the eaters if something goes wrong .

Puppy(et) love

The makeshift puppet tent at the fair was filled to the brim .She pushed her way towards one side of the curtain and flopped down on the nearest chair she saw .She felt rather than saw him taking the chair next to hers .She had been avoiding him for the past two days but to day he had attached himself to her and followed her .He tried to take her hand in his She let him. He deserved at least that .Moreover she didn’t want to make a scene.

He began , “so why did you run away ?You knew id come after you .”

“I was scared.”She whispered

“of what ? Me ?”

“No ..not you exactly …oh, I don’t know”

“We have discussed this before and now why the change in you ?”

“Its not you ..its your family ..i don’t think they like me”

“My family is my concern ,not yours .You have to think only of me”

“Hmmm ..even then, they need to approve …”

“I don’t care …I love you and I am ready to give them up for you and that’s my last word .”

“Believe me... ..i do believe you.”

“Then don’t stall …come away with me .Lets run away”

“Run away ?...where will we live? What will you do ?”

“Don’t worry .I will start a business” .

“Business ? you ? but where ? How?”

“Trust me …don’t you ?”

“Oh I do ..but don’t you think we need some planning ?”

“Okay …..Do you love me ?”

“I love you…. truly .”

“Enough to trust me ?”

“Yes …yes I do truly.”

“Then that’s all I need.”

“But we cant live on love alone.”

“What else do we need ?”

“Well ….let me see…,”she stammered searching for the right word.

There was a thunderous applause .The show had come to an end .The lights dimmed .People began streaming out laughing and talking at the same time .

She fell silent and so did he

Footsteps were heard coming nearer.Some one shone a torch to their faces and shouted, “They are here”A hand stretched out and picked her up and him along with her as .their hands were entwined If it was thought to be strange ,it was not commented upon .They were dropped into the box and the footsteps hurried away to collect the others

She fell on top of him .He hugged her close and she cuddled closer to him .The lid closed over them and they slept .Tonight was theirs .

The Man with a Mission

He entered the library as I sat making notes for an upcoming event .Tall ,well built with a pleasant face ,dressed like an executive sans the tie .My gaze went quickly to his shoes .They were shiny (shoes betray people )and of an okay make .I had seen him earlier in the office with our HM and thought he was an acquaintance of hers .

“Excuse me madam ,may I sit here ?”

I nodded (I hate being disturbed )He seated himself a little away from me and took out a book .I turned back to my work .I was aware of the silence in the room .As the school was not working that day, the room was silent and so were the corridors.
“What if ….”.my ever confused emotional mind began a dialogue with my practical mind “Should I get up and go ?.”

“Don’t be silly .”

“.i can scream ,cant I…”

“Who will hear you ?”

“Hmmmm….thats true”

Pretending to be deep in thought ,I took a survey of the room .The door was at the other end and I could make a run for it

“Wont you look silly ?”began practical my mind again ,

“So? isn’t it ..better to be safe than sorry .”

“Wait, let him make a move first”

“Right.” .

So I settled down to complete my work .Before that I took out my only weapon from my bag – my mobile, and placed it on the table

My ears were cocked up for any sound from him

“Er ,madam you seem to be busy .”
Nearly jumping out of my skin I smiled weakly ( Dude, are you blind ?)

Oh yes …some reports (none of your business anyway !.)

“Are you working here ?”he continued

(Why else would I be here, on a holiday ..you nit wit ?)

“Yes ..i am a teacher here .”

“Oh great!”

(what’s so great , I am not the president, just a primary teacher)

“May I take some time to talk to you”

(If I had some time I wouldn’t be here. )

I saw him getting up and I placed my hand on the mobile ….i could hurl it at him and buy time to make my escape .

Taking care to hide my thoughts from him I said politely ,”yes ..sir ….”(don’t judge a book by its cover )

He dragged a chair close

He began ,”you see I was not the man you see before you “

(Oh ..a sex change ..wouldn’t believe looking at him )

“I was a drunkard”

(Hmmm…)

“I was only 26 at that time.

(good for you ..so what are you trying to say ? )I schooled my expression to show interest .(its always best to humour a maniac )

“Then I was into drugs.”
(this was getting better and better )

My hand tightened over the mobile and I my feet hunted for shoes under the table

“I have had everything under the sun and then it was women…”

(Dude gimme a break .I ‘ve got the picture …you needn’t continue )

My feet slipped into my shoes (being ready is work half done )

My face expressionless, I stared at him

“Then everything changed…I was brought back from the dead “

(Dude ,you were better off dead )

It was my cue .. “oh ..How ..Who …?”

“My savior .the great Lord. He saved me ,he gave me back my life.”

(Okay ..got it ..now scoot ..)

“Madam ,would you like Him to help you too”

(from what ?from you ?if only he would )

Er,….no thanks , I am a bit busy now ,”said I ,”besides I have not yet attained your status in drinking before you were saved I have reached only at ,an occasional glass of wine …and as I am happily married other things have not crossed my mind yet .When I do need saving Ill surely let you know

I gathered my books and walked away as fast as I could ,without looking back .